the one where bujoy encountered a mishap

— an excerpt from this guy has a child with you, pare! au

Upon hearing the loud noise, agad-agad tumakbo si Ned papunta sa banyo because it sounded like the bang came from there. He internally hoped he’d be proven wrong still, pero pagdating niya naabutan na lang niyang nasa sahig si Bujoy, umiiyak.

Agad-agad siyang naupo sa tabi ni Bujoy at hinawakan ang balikat niya, tinignan kung may natamo ba itong sugat o kung anong galos, pero wala naman. Wala rin naman siyang nadatnan na dugo sa paanan ni Bujoy, kaya it’s most likely na there wasn’t any miscarriage.

But still his heart wouldn’t stop pounding.

He still feels the lingering fear in his heart magmula sa pagpasok niya kanina. Dama niya pa ang pag-aalala. At rinig na rinig niya pa ang mga salitang sinabi niya kay Bujoy na tawagin siya kapag magbabanyo ito kasi madulas. At hindi iyon ginawa ni Bujoy.

“Okay lang ako… okay lang…” humahagulgol na sambit ni Bujoy, na para bang naririnig nito ang mga alalahanin sa isip nito.

Huminga nang malalim si Ned. “Walang masakit? Hindi ka nasprain?”

Umiling si Bujoy, nanginginig pa rin sa kakaiyak. “Okay lang, napahawak naman ako bago ako mapaupo.”

Napahilamos ng mukha si Ned out of frustration, and then his mouth started to run with bullets shooting out. “Sabi ko tawagin mo ‘ko, ‘di ba?”

“Akala ko kasi busy ka sa trabaho, e,” Bujoy nonsensically said, and Ned felt the rising emotion in his chest surge more. “Sorry… Ned, sorry.”

Bujoy looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him not to be mad at him. Iniwas ni Ned ang tingin niya and just busied himself with checking for any bruises on his legs, but there was none to be found, so he concluded na okay nga siya.

“Ned,” Bujoy called. “Okay naman ‘yung baby. Hindi naman ako nakunan—”

“Mahal ko ‘yung baby, Bujoy.” Ned said, not too loud, but firm enough to terrify Bujoy even more. “Pero ikaw inaalala ko. Paano kung may mangyaring masama sa’yo? Paano kung natuluyan ka diyan dahil nabagok ka o kung ano man?”

Bujoy, with his weak hands, gripped the hem of Ned’s shirt. “Sorry. Tatawagin na kita sa susunod. Ned…” He whined, not wanting this treatment he’s receiving from the other.

They always know how to make situations light kasi that’s how they are. They always know how to make things easy. But glimpsing at their place right now, walang iba maramdaman si Bujoy kung hindi takot. Takot na baka magalit si Ned, takot na baka pagsisihan niyang pinili siya nito. All because of how he didn’t listen to Ned and how he slipped on the floor.

“Gusto ko lang naman alagaan mo sarili mo,” mariin na saad ni Ned. “Makinig ka naman sa’kin, Bujoy, please. Kahit ngayon lang. Kahit tawagin mo na akong OA. Dumepende ka naman sa’kin.” Halos lumuhod na si Ned para makinig lang si Bujoy sa kanya, but the latter’s grip tightened to stop him.

Bujoy wrapped his arms around Ned, covering his face and dampening the other’s shirt with his tears. Mahinang bumubulong si Bujoy ng mga “sorry” nito. Napabuntong-hininga na lang si Ned at saka dahan-dahang binuhat ito palabas ng banyo. Pagkarating sa kwarto, maingat niya rin siyang binaba.

Hinatak ulit ni Bujoy ang damit ni Ned. “‘Wag mo ko iwan.”

“Kukuha lang tubig.”

“Promise?”

Tumango lang si Ned at iniwang tulala si Bujoy. He was left pondering about Ned and his reaction awhile ago kasi ngayon niya lang nakitang gano’n kaseryoso si Ned at hindi siya sanay because they’re always the type to make things comfortable.

This was perhaps the consequence of crossing the line.

But will that stop Bujoy? Syempre hindi.

He loves Ned so much that he could compromise being reprimanded like that kasi in reality, siya naman nga talaga may kasalanan. It all stemmed from Ned’s concern, and he couldn’t imagine just how scared he got. Kaya ngayon, hindi na lang tamod ang lulunukin niya, pati pride na rin.

Dumating na si Ned kalaunan at pinainom ito ng tubig. Much to Bujoy’s relief, tinabihan na rin siya nito sa kama. Pagkalapag ni Bujoy ng baso sa side table, agad niyang niyakap si Ned at pinatakan ng halik ang kamay nito.

“Sorry na, Ned ko,” malambing na bulong ni Bujoy.

He felt Ned kissing crown of his head in return and clung his arm around his back. “‘Di ako galit,” he assured.

“Weh?” seryosong tanong pa rin ni Bujoy at naka-pleading emoji mode pa rin ang mga mata niya.

Ngumiti nang maliit si Ned. Isa pa ‘tong mabilis tumiklop. “Oo. ‘Di ko kayang magalit sa’yo. Sorry if it was too much,” he answered softly.

The silence engulfed the room and both of them played with their interlocked fingers. Ned was threading his words carefully on top of his head, and Bujoy was slowly exhaling out his emotions, finally finding peace again kasi okay na sila ni Ned.

“Alagang-alaga kasi ako sa’yo, tapos makikita kitang gano’n,” nakangusong sambit ni Ned habang nilalaro pa rin ang kamay ni Bujoy. “I’m not the type to restrict you from anything kasi ang toxic naman no’n, pero just this one time, Buj. Ask for my help for once.”

“Ayoko lang guluhin ka.”

Ned grunted in annoyance. “Anong guluhin? Lahat ng ginagawa ko kaya kong bitawan para sa’yo. Kaya please, makinig ka sa’kin.”

“Mhm, ‘di na mauulit.” Bujoy tucked his chin on the other’s chest. “Sorry po.”

Parang biglang nagkarecord scratch at tumahimik na naman silang dalawa pagkasabi ni Bujoy no’n. Sinilip nito si Ned na nakatingin sa kisame at pigil na pigil ang tawa. Hinampas niya ito sa braso with an embarrassed look masked in his face.

“Po?” Ned imitated the way Bujoy said it.

It was funny for him kasi Bujoy used to claim years ago na ang “corny” ng mga gumagamit ng gano’n sa jowa nila. And then he found out years after na gumagamit siya ng “po” kay Shua, na hindi naman niya jinujudge. The things we do for love, ika nga nila.

But still, finally hearing it being used to you is funny for Ned. Hindi naman niya inimagine na siya na pala ang magiging recipient ng pa-baby na “po” ni Bujoy. And don’t get him wrong, he finds it cute. Pero funny pa rin, nonetheless.

“‘Di ako ‘yon,” Bujoy denied the obvious. “Ih, bakit kasi lumabas ‘yun sa bibig ko?” He buried his face once again on Ned’s chest vibrating from laughing.

“Sino pala? Si baby ‘yun?” nang-aasar na tanong ni Ned.

“Oo.”

Ned chuckled once again and kissed the other’s pout away. His eyes stayed on him, looking fond. And everything suddenly felt right once again. The tension has been swept away out the window.

Nakatitig pa rin si Ned kay Bujoy, gumagaan na ulit ang loob. Parang pinipiga kasi ang puso niya kapag nakikita niya siya because all he feels is happiness. And it feels impossible to feel such joy just upon seeing a person, but Bujoy makes everything possible for him.

“Pero okay ka lang nga? Walang masakit?” Ned asked again, his voice softer now despite how soft it already was awhile ago.

Umiling si Bujoy. “Wala. I just… feel scared. About giving birth. Sometimes I still think how different would life be if this did not happen.”

Ned hummed, but Bujoy knew what he was thinking.

“You know na I’d choose you always regardless, ‘di ba? I’m talking about having the baby. I’m just scared kasi it’s actually coming to life soon, and I still don’t know what to do kasi I’m not good with kids. What if ‘di ako maging okay na parent tapos irarant niya ako sa dump account niya?”

Ned let out a small laugh. “Rant mo rin siya sa’yo.”

“Kasi naman, e…”

“Okay, seryoso na,” Ned started, the smile in his face fading. “Do you want this?”

“Of course,” mahinang sagot ni Bujoy. “I wouldn’t put myself in all these if ayoko.”

Tumango si Ned. “It’s easier to navigate things when you want it enough. You don’t have to be the best parent in the world, Buj. It’s your first time being one din. You don’t have to know everything at once. And besides, gaya ng sinasabi ko, you don’t always have to take the burden yourself if ‘di mo na kaya. Nandito naman ako, magkasama tayong dalawa.”

Bujoy let out a deep sigh. “I know. I just want the best for our child.”

“You’ll be a great parent, maniwala ka. Ako na ‘tong nagsasabi, o.”

Inirapan siya ni Bujoy. “Biased ka kaya.”

Tumawa ulit si Ned at hinigpitan ang yakap kay Bujoy. Hinalikan niya ulit ang bumbunan nito na para bang hindi ito nakakasawang gawin. Na para bang sobrang normal maging affectionate kay Bujoy kasi life with Bujoy is his default life.

“Gusto ko magstay kila Mama after manganak,” Bujoy suddenly blurted out.

“Okay, doon tayo.”

Inangat ni Bujoy ang ulo niya para tignan si Ned. “Thank you… dahil mahal na mahal mo ako.”

Ned chuckled for another time he couldn’t quite count. “Oo naman.”

“Pero thank you nga talaga. For making everything bearable. For making everything easy even if they’re not,” Bujoy said. “I love you.”

Ned could seriously cry at that moment to the point na hindi na siya nakasagot dahil nakatitig lang siya kay Bujoy. Ramdam na ramdam niya pagmamahal ni Bujoy sa kanya. There’s no space for uncertainty and doubt kasi it’s always being expressed. And he doesn’t know when his love for him will stop, not that he has any plans to.

Hindi na rin nagsalita pa si Bujoy at nakatitig lang siya kay Ned. Pareho silang nakatingin sa isa’t isa, at ang tanging naririnig lang nila ay ang mabibigat nilang hininga.

At this point, dapat bumubuka na ang bibig ni Bujoy. Dapat sinasabi na niya sa kanya na walang masakit sa katawan niya, pero nandoon naman ang takot na baka nawiwili lang si Ned ngayon kasi sila magkasama lagi. Na baka hindi naman panghabang-buhay ang nararamdaman niya. Na baka iwan rin siya nito kapag napagtanto na niya lahat ng kinakatakutan niya. Na baka hanggang ngayon, sinusubukan lang niyang kalimutan si Seok gaya ng pagbanggit niya ng pangalan nito nu’ng gabing nag-sex sila.

Na baka hindi sila pareho ng pagmamahal na nararamdaman sa isa’t isa.

Na baka… nag-ooverthink lang din naman pala siya.

Bujoy couldn’t help but to exhale out of frustration instead, swallowing all the itching words that were about to go out of his mouth. He inched his face closer to kiss Ned, merely placing his lips on top of the other’s and didn’t invite him to move it either. It only stayed there for few long seconds until he pulled away and he immediately flipped his body on the other side of the bed when he felt his cheeks heating up.

Agad naman niyang narinig ang halakhak ni Ned sa tenga niya, na tinatawanan siguro ang pagkahiya niya. Pero nagulat na lang siya nang maramdaman niya ang labi nito sa pisngi niya at ang kamay sa tiyan nito, nakayakap na ulit sa kanya.

“Mahal na mahal din kita,” bulong ni Ned at kahit doon ay rinig ang ngiti niya. “Sobra.”