the one where ned came to bujoy’s room to help

— an excerpt from this guy has a child with you, pare! au

tags: implied 🔞. read at your own risk. (not proofread)

A creak was what made Bujoy’s head flip towards the door. He was greeted by Ned, who had worry painted all over his face, backed up by his sloppy walks on his way to the bed.

Napakagat ng labi si Bujoy at ang hawak niya sa kumot ay mas lalong humigpit. Gusto na niyang tumalikod, pero hindi niya maalis ang tingin niya sa mga mata nitong nagtatanong.

Lumubog ang gilid ng kama nang maupo si Ned. Hinaplos niya ang buhok ni Bujoy, and he couldn’t help but to lean on his warm touch that was soothing him.

“Still horny?” tanong ni Ned, and Bujoy swallowed the lump on his throat, the softness of his voice making him more sensitive.

Nahihiyang tumango si Bujoy habang kagat-kagat ang mga labi niya. Mas lalo siyang nahirapang huminga nang mas nalanghap niya ang amoy ni Ned. It was so enticing. He wanted more of him. He wanted him to touch him everywhere, claim him through his hands and lips.

“Let me help, please?”

Nahigit ni Bujoy ang hininga niya. “Fine.”

Bujoy found it even harder to breathe when Ned hovered above him, and his eyes fixated on his arms contracting from carrying his own weight. Their heavy breaths both mixed amidst the small distance separating them.

Nakatitig lang si Bujoy sa mga mata ni Ned, na sa ngayo’y hindi na puno ng pag-alala, kung hindi may kasama na ring kakaiba. Probably passion, or desire—something Bujoy wouldn’t want to acknowledge, anyway. He’s scared. Ayaw niyang maniwalang totoo na ang mga sinasabi ni Cenon. Ayaw niyang umasa. Ayaw niyang magkamali.

Kalaunan ay bumababa rin ang tingin niya patungo sa ilong ni Ned, papunta sa nunal niya, sa labi niyang kanina pa binabasa ng isa, at sa leeg kung saan saksi niya ang paglunok nito bigla.

The air was so thick, tinted with intense tension, and they weren’t even touching each other yet. Mata pa lang nila ang gumagalaw.

Pero mas matindi. He wanted Ned even more.

He clung his arms around his shoulder and he saw how Ned’s eyes followed the small movements he did, until his gaze finally got stuck on his eyes again, then his lips, then his eyes again.

Bumuntong-hininga si Ned, “Sure ka dito, Bujoy?”

Bujoy wanted to get annoyed, wanted to scream at him “oo nga!” like how he usually would do. But he ended up just nodding, nauubusan na ng mga salita. Humigpit lang ang yakap niya sa kanya just to convey how he trusts him.

“We’re not going to do it all the way through, though, okay lang? Baka kasi ‘yung baby mapahamak—”

“Fucking OA.” Ned glared at his words, but that didn’t stop Bujoy from rolling his eyes. “Tinanong ko si doc no’n, sabi niya okay lang naman. It doesn’t affect the baby, mas nakakatulong pa nga raw sa nanay. Sa’kin.”

Ned let out a low groan, letting his head fall on Bujoy’s shoulder. “I’m scared of hurting you.”

“You won’t.”

“But I fuck so hard.”

Bujoy pressed his lips, the annoyance crossing his threshold. “Then fuck me hard.”

Those words seemed to get through the skull of Ned because his hands immediately went to unbutton Bujoy’s pants. The latter covered his mouth with the back of his hand, suppressing the noises about to withdraw from his lips.

“Buka.”

Bujoy spread his legs out as Ned pulled his shorts out of him. His eyes were not leaving his’, and being under Ned’s scrutiny was flipping Bujoy’s insides even more. He’s now left with his boxers, the visible patch on the center getting even more visible.

Pinanood niya si Ned na hubarin ang sarili nitong sweatpants, and the clear outline bulging out made him salivate even more. He had never wanted him more than he had now—at least carnally. Or at least how he wanted to convince himself. He wanted him inside despite. He wanted to be full of him.

Ned crawled in between his legs and dropped a few feathery kisses on his jaw, trailing down to his neck and collarbone. He lifted up his shirt and went to circle his fingers around his buds. Bujoy immediately had his toes curled at the sensation.

Igniting whatever Bujoy was feeling even more, Ned perfectly aligned himself with Bujoy and started grinding his hips. Bujoy couldn’t help but to moan out loud, holding onto Ned tighter. Ned increased the fiction by pushing himself more, soft grunts falling out of his mouth.

Despite the piece of cloth acting as the barrier, Bujoy could feel something build up inside him, lalo na ramdam na ramdam ang pagtama ng umbok ni Ned sa kanya. He let his head fall back, but he didn’t miss how the other’s eyes never left his face. Kanina pa siyang nakatingin sa kanya habang tuloy-tuloy sa pagtulak.

“Bujoy,” mahinang bulong ni Ned, namamaos na ang boses, and it sounded so needy. Parang he’s craving for this as much as Bujoy does.

And as if hindi pa enough ang isang pagtawag sa pangalan niya, inulit pa ito ni Ned kasabay ng paggalaw ng katawan niya. Ang kamay ni Bujoy na namamahinga sa balikat niya ay napunta na sa buhok ni Ned para hawakan ito nang mahigpit. Mas lalong bumilis ang galaw ng mga hita ni Ned at mas lalong lumakas ang mga ingay na lumalabas sa bibig ni Bujoy.

The overstimulation was slowly forming up on Bujoy’s part—from the pleasure and the pain he couldn’t quite figure out the origin. His eyes started to well up, kaya naman napapikit na siya at hinayaang tumulo ito.

This was all so different from the first time they did it.

Nu’ng unang beses, it was merely just two bodies interlinking. Just fluids mixing up that had eventually led up to a product of existence.

It wasn’t even this intimate. It was a hollow sex.

Ned was always caring. He did ask kung masakit ba o kung okay lang ba kay Bujoy ang mga susunod niyang gagawin. He even cleaned him up after.

But he never called out his name. Never looked at him straight in his eyes.

It’s like he just wanted to get off before, wanted to forget whatever pain he was feeling for Seok.

That’s what Bujoy assumed.

Because it was the same for him. He merely wanted to forget Shua and how he wasn’t deserving enough for him to stay. He wouldn’t have even predicted having a baby. That was supposed to be casual.

Kaya ngayon, it’s hitting more. With how Ned looked at him with so much desire, na para bang kaya niya siyang hagkan nang buong buhay niya at hindi pa rin ito magsasawa. And even with how he spoke his name with so much delicacy, calling out to him as if it was the only way to be spared from drowning in his own pining.

And that’s not how friends are supposed to act. Not how best friends are supposed to behave.

Suddenly, lahat ng “horny” feelings ni Bujoy ay biglang lumabas na ng bintana at puno na ulit ng pag-aalala ang utak niya. Wala siyang ibang maisip kung hindi mali ito at kung paanong ayaw niya nang ganito.

He was used to being comfortable around Ned, hell, to the point na nakapagsex nga sila para lang malimutan mga ex nila.

But right now, all he wants is to be away from him. All of his touches instantly felt burning. It doesn’t feel so comfortable at all anymore. Kasi something changed.

Kasi Ned is not just his best friend now.

But what will life be without Ned as his best friend? What will be his life if all the comfort and ease Ned always brings to him will soon be gone once he acts upon all these? Ayaw niyang masira ang nakasanayan na niya.

Ned is too familiar, but everything about what they are doing and feeling right now is all so foreign.

Natauhan lang si Bujoy nang maramdaman niyang pinupunasan na pala ni Ned ang luha niya at ngayon niya lang napansin na huminto na pala si Ned sa ginagawa niya, pero nakaibabaw pa rin ang katawan nito sa kanya.

Nakadikit ang mga kilay ni Ned, punong-puno ng pag-aalala. “Nasaktan ba kita? Masakit ba tiyan mo?”

Umiling si Bujoy. Isang beses. Hanggang sa paulit-ulit.

Dahil hindi na niya sinasagot ang tanong ni Ned. Pinipilit na lang niya kumbinsihin ang sarili niya na ayaw niya nang ganito. Ayaw niyang magkagusto kay Ned.

And as cruel as it sounds, Bujoy thought of how crucial that first sex was and how it shouldn’t have happened. How they wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place without it. E ‘di sana mag-best friends pa rin sila na parang dati, hindi ‘yung ngayon na lahat ng kilos at salita nila ay parang may nakabalot na na kahulugan. E ‘di sana hindi siya nasasaktan kasi iba na ang tingin niya kay Ned. E ‘di sana ang dali-dali pa rin tumakbo papunta sa kanya para sabihin mga problema niya, pero paano pa ba mangyayari ‘yun kung si Ned na mismo ang pinoproblema niya in the first place?

Umalis na sa pagkaibabaw si Ned at umupo sa tabi ni Bujoy. He carefully cupped his face and let Bujoy meet his eyes, pero pinilit na umiwas ng tingin si Bujoy.

“What’s wrong?” Ned asked, too softly, that Bujoy hated it. Hindi naman siya ganyan dati.

Napahinga nang malalim si Bujoy. “‘Di na sana natin ginawa ‘yun.”

All of the concern was washed away from Ned’s gaze at napalitan ito nang pagtataka. Mas lalong kumunot ang noo niya.

“‘Di naman natin alam na mabubuntis ka, Bujoy.”

“Alam ko. It’s not that.” Napasuklay si Bujoy sa buhok niya. “Wala namang magtropang nagsesex,” mariin nitong saad.

Napaawang ang bibig ni Ned and it was so painfully obvious on how taken aback he was. But even then, even if Bujoy didn’t want to hurt Ned out of all the people he knew, he still wouldn’t take those words back. Because it really shouldn’t have happened.

“That sex wasn’t serious for the both of us before, ikaw pa nga nag-aassure sa’kin. Bumalik tayo sa dati nating gawi kasi wala lang naman satin ‘yun. We were just satiating our minds and needs. So bakit biglang big deal, Bujoy?”

Kasi gusto na kita.

Umiling ulit si Bujoy, kinukumbinsi pa rin ang sarili. “‘Di ka ba napapatanong sa mga nangyayari sa atin?”

Instead of a quick response, Ned ended up staring at him before finally speaking, his voice cracking, “Hindi… kasi may tiwala ako sa’yo. Kasi kahit kailan hindi ganyan kababaw tingin ko sa kung ano mang meron tayo.”

Hindi ko man nga alam kung ano ba ang meron tayo.

“We’re in this thing together, ‘di ba? Why do you like pushing me away?”

Hindi sumagot si Bujoy at pinunasan na lang nito ang mga sarili niyang luha, pero pilit siyang tinutulungan ni Ned kahit na bakas na ang simangot nito.

He wished it didn’t have to end up with whatever this chaos is. This really all wouldn’t have happened if not for the sex and the baby. He wouldn’t have harbored feelings. He wouldn’t have to think about the consequences of putting themselves out of the friendship line.

But he’d sufficed for this. For this fucking friendship than to lose him. He’d choose the familiarity and comfort. He’d settle with having someone to run to and let the problems about him just pile up. He’d stick to this established bond they have created than to get out to explore an unknown zone.

And so he mourned for what has been instead.

“Sana ‘di na lang ako nabuntis.”

Bujoy immediately turned his head away, but he still saw how Ned’s face fell, his confused eyes shadowed by despair now. Pero sana hindi na lang niya nakita pa.

Gusto pa sanang magsalita ni Bujoy, bawiin ang mga sinabi niya, pero naiwan lang na nakabukas ang bibig niya, walang salitang lumalabas. He pressed his fist, trying to stay firm with his thoughts.

Kahit na parang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa si Ned, tumango na lamang ito. He wiped Bujoy’s face once again and tucked him in. Tahimik siyang naglakad palabas ng kwarto pagkatapos at tahimik lang din siyang pinanood ni Bujoy.

Nagsimula na namang mamuo ang luha sa mata ni Bujoy and he tried to stop them from falling by digging his claws on his leg, trying to numb himself from the pain.

And all of Bujoy’s concerns were validated kasi wala na. They have walked past beyond the line of friendship.

Or at least, Bujoy did. But he shouldn’t have.

One way or another, he’d still lose his best friend.

But if acting the same, despite how hard it was, will let him keep Ned, then he just had to act fool for the rest of his life until he gets tired of it.